none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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