I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
