She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
