fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize