***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
