I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
