i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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