apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
