There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
