I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
