I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
