HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Girls should come with a carfax report
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
