last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My dick has a subreddit
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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