just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
