I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
