I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I wish there were birth control emojis
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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