is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize