I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
