You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
