I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
