Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
