Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
