Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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