She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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