I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
