If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
