If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
