you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
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