"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I came so hard my ears popped.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
