I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
