Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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