You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
