guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
