I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
