he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
