I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize