So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
organizing the empties. That sober.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
