Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
