She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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