i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
