Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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