Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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