party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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