I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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