Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
