tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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