there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
