My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
