so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Every concussion has its silver lining
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
