Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
