a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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