question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
