I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
