I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
