i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
