Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
