That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
