But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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