Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
