Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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