You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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