Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
