I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
