You work out of a Hotel?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
