R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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