I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
