so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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