do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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