1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
