I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
