i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize