her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
