You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize