there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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